Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
