Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
