Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
