I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
