college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
