we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
pray to the hookup gods
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
