Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize