i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
