I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
the liver wants what the liver wants
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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