you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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