I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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