Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
