The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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