Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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