Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
