Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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