I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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