I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
