the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
