While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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