Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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