you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
