Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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