So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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