Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
