ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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