There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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