i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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