My nipple is on Facebook.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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