i permit you to call me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
