Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
