I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
