She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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