Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
