My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
