My Higher Power is John Stamos
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Send help, water and tortillas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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