i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
