I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
