now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
