Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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