I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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