you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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