literally had 100 drinks last night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
