plz talk dirty to me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My hand turned me down
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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