I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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