I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
