Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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