Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
