two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
