Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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