Screwed.edu
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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