I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
