He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
