A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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