Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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