In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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