Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
