Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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