yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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