It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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