drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
