I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
