found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
