Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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