Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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