you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
